BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE: THEATER

"A dramatist is one who believes that the pure event,
an action involving human beings, is more arresting 
than any comment that can be made upon it."
          Thornton Wilder
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THE VAUDEVILLE  ACT –SWAIN’S RAT AND CAT ACT

“In case you are too young to remember this offering, 
it consisted of six rats, dressed as jockeys, perched 
on six cats, dressed as horses, galloping furiously 
around a miniature race track. It was an extraordinary
 act.”

Groucho Marx in a letter Sam Zolotow  (January 23, 1946).
The Groucho Letters (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1967)

**
ON AN ACTOR IN A PRODUCTION OF INHERIT THE WIND

"One night, as crusading attorney Clarence Darrow, 
he strode up to the bench and, instead of saying, 
'The court rules out any expert testimony on Charles 
Darwin's  Origin of Species or Descent of Man, he said, 
for some reason 'The court rules out any expert testimony
 on Charles Darwin's  Design For Living.'"

Mark Steyn. The Spectator (2 October 1999)

**
ON PRODUCERS

"I think producers are the most dangerous people 
in the theater; not because of the power they have 
over the young writer, but because of the power 
they have to choose plays that hurt the theater. 
The more bad things they see, the more people decide 
to stay away from the theater."

Neil Simon in The Dramatist Guild Quarterly(Spring 1973)
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AN AMERICAN  PLAYWRIGHT MENTIONED IN ANOTHER MAN'S PLAY

Patty: Don't be so darn practical.
Don: Then quit talking like a play by Saroyan.
Patty: I adore him, don't you?
Don: Huh? Who?
Patty: Saroyan.
Don: I can take him or leave him.

from THE MOON IS BLUE by F. Hugh Herbert

**

NO PLAYS IN HEAVEN

"Good God, if these be the chiefe delights of Christians 
now, which was the voice, the shame of Pagans, of Christians heretofore, why doe any such voluptuous carnall Christians hope for Heaven? Are there any lascivious Stage-playes, Spectacles, Songs, or such  like sinfull vanities there? are there any such lust-fomenting,sin-engendering  sports or pastimes in Heaven, as carnalists delight in here on earth? O no, there is no uncleanesse, vanity or lasciviousnesse in that holy place. If men therefore thinke themselves miserable when they are deprived of these pleasures here, what happiness can they hope to finde in Heaven hereafter, where there are no such Enterludes, such carnall contentments as they delight in now."

William Prynne. Histrio-Mastix, 1633
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WHITE FANGS, or DRACULA ONSTAGE

"It has been stated that Dracula is always being 
shown onstage somewhere in the world. This is one 
of those convenient statistics that are almost 
impossible to refute, but it seems to be true today. 
A parody, at the Theatre Royal, Stratford (in 
London's East End) was so popular that the season
 was extended into 1975. After touring the provinces,
 Peter Wyngarde reached Wimbledon in March in the 
title role of his own adaptation, which he was 
pleased to acknowledge as 'Bram Stoker's Dracula'.
 Billed as 'pleasantly frightening', this version 
was not sufficiently pleasant, while the most 
frightening moment was the apparent 'escape' of 
one the white rats from the stage into the audience."

Daniel Farson. The Man Who Wrote Dracula: a biography
of Bram Stoker ( New York: St. Martin's Press, 1975)

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THE REPERTORY COMPANIES IN WRITERS' HEADS

"Each writer is born with a repertory company 
in his head. Shakespeare had perhaps 20 plays, 
and Tennessee Williams has about five and Samuel 
Beckett -- and perhaps a clone of that one. I 
have ten or so, and that's a lot."
          Gore Vidal

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DICTIONARY WRITER NOAH WEBSTER (October 16, 1758 – 
May 28, 1843) & HIS OPINION ON GOING TO THE THEATER

"Webster was shocked by the spotty observance of the 
Sabbath in France. 'the Catholics generally have no 
tables, & the Sabbath is a day of amusement for the 
rich and the gay. The theaters are open every night, 
& one of the greatest inconveniences I experience is 
the noise of carriages at the breaking up of plays 
about 12 at night.
   "Webster scorned the theater. 'Before I can believe
 the stage to be a school of virtue, I must demand proof
 that a single profligate had ever been reformed or a 
single man or woman made Christian by its influence...
I would caution you against the fascination of plays,novels,romances.'''

Harlow Giles Unger. Noah Webster: The Life and Times of an American Patriot (New York: John Wiley & Sons,1998)
**

"Your audience gives you everything you need. 
They tell you . There is no director who can 
direct you like an audience."
                     Fanny Brice
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SOMETIMES ACTING SCHOOLS CAN BE VERY WRONG

"DENHOLM ELLlOTT was a particular favorite with 
the British Academy of Film and Television Arts 
in the 1980s, when he won the award for Best Actor 
in a Supporting Role in three consecutive years, 
the only actor ever to have achieved this. But, 
when as a young man he attended the Royal Academy 
of Dramatic Arts (RADA) he "was asked to leave 
after one term. As Elliott later recalled: "They 
wrote to my mother and said, 'Much as we like the 
little fellow, he's wasting your money and our time. 
Take him away!'".

see iDMb trivia--Denholm Elliott
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THEATER NOTES

MOLLY PICON

Molly Picon
Sd "Don't pick on
Me because the play was a flop.
The playwright made the stupid stuff up."
**

MARY MARTIN
Mary Martin
Did not play a tart in
Peter Pan.
She actually played a young man.

WALTER KERR

Theater critic Walter Kerr
Despised care-
less writing & silly falderoo.
Thank God he did not live to see this Clerihew!
**
Louis Phillips