I was twenty-eight when I got married. My mother had a sign:
last girl before freeway.
Joan Rivers
How wrong Emily Dickinson was. Hope is not 'a thing
with feathers.' The thing with feathers has turned out
to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in
Zurich.
Woody Allen
**
My boyfriend -- he said to me that he reads Playboy for the
articles. I said, "Yes, I know. I just go to department stores
for the escalators.
Rita Rudner
**
Yiddish-- a combination of German and Phlegm
Billy Crystal, accepting the Mark Twain Humor Award
**
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder
how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright
***********************************
The reason I signed the Beatles to a recording contract was
that I found them
personally very funny." George Martin
ONE OF THE LONGEST & BIGGEST LAUGHS
TO A LINE IN A BROADWAY MUSICAL COMEDY
“But Jumbo was too big for its cash registers, Though it received
superb notices and played to over a million customers, it lost money.
A few years ago theWhitneys got some of it back when Metro
bought the movie rights. I don’t know when the studio is going
to get around to making this picture, but before it does, I would
suggest that it send the director to New York and instruct him to
stand still some night near the parking space at 43rd Street and
Sixth Avenue where the old Hippodrome stood. If he listens closely,
he’ll still hear them yocking it up at what drama critics agree was
the biggest laugh in the history of show business. It came near
the end of the first act when a sheriff caught Jimmy Durante trying
to steal an elephant.
“Where are ya going with that elephant?” yelled the copper.”
“What elephant?” asked Jimmy.
BILLY ROSE. Wine, Women and Words/ (Simon & Schuster,1948)
**
COMEDY/THE COMIC
Jewish comedy is almost inevitably concerned with things
gastronomical. The Jews enjoy talking about food more than
any other people. Through many centuries they lived in
enforced poverty. If they could not invent food out of thin air,
they could at least invent stories and jokes about it to take their
minds off their miseries.
Steve Allen. Funny Men (New York: Stein & Day, 1981).
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so
many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Garrison Keillor
Since the days of Pigmeat Markham, not to mention Lenny Bruce,
the comedian's job has been to say the unsayable -- to give voice
to the things that stink or bite us in the heart.
Hilton Als. "Bros' Night Out," in The New Yorker (February 10, 2020)
Comedians are by nature enemies of boundaries. They live easier
by the laws of joy which they create than by the laws of good
behavior which society sets down. Their job description is to
take liberties – something the public applauds in art but abhors
in life.
John Lahr
For myself I think it's (psychoanalysis ) is dangerous. Someone who has inner sad feelings about certain things-- instead of them 'burying him, can be put to better use.' If I were to find out that these sad things are truly not sad, I think people would no longer find me funny -- 'cause funny had better be sad somewhere.
Jerry Lewis, quoted in Who the Hell is in the Picture by Peter Bogdanovich
(New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2004)
Funny isn’t about beauty –it’s about freedom.Sometimes that
freedom leads to disrespect, ridicule, and outright offensiveness.
Robert Mankoff. Cartoon editor for The New Yorker
Woody Allen believes that S.J. Perelman summed up the character
of great comics is one phrase "Baby, it's cold outside".
Quoted by Phil Berger in "The Business of Comedy"
(The New York Times Magazine, June 9, 1985)
The comedian’s slang for a successful show is “I murdered
them,” which I’m sure came about because you finally realize
that the audience is capable of murdering you.
Steve Martin. Born Standing Up.
“You may estimate your capacity for Comic perception
by being able to detect the ridicule of them you love, without l
oving them less: and more by being able to see yourself
somewhat ridiculousness in dear eyes, and accepting the
correction their image of you proposes.”
George Meredith. Essay on Comedy.
NOTES TO MONOLOGUES NEVER DELIVERED At 50th Street and 6th Avenue there is a billboard advertising THE INVISIBLE MAN...SEE IT ON IMAX. Does viewing someone who is invisible on a big screen make it easier not to see him? During the impeachment trial of President Trump, restaurants in Washington D.C. featured on their menus a brand new sea-food dish -- Squid pro quo. ** I grew up in a very tough neighborhood. I remember My very first alphabet book. A was for ankle bracelet. At home our phone had the bail bondsman on speed dial.On my block, if shop lifting were an Olympic event, my friends would take home all the medals—even if they did not win them. Not only was the neighborhood rough, it was terribly Racist. My mother brought home a package of Aunt Jamima mix and the Klan burnt a cross on our front lawn. NEW WESTERN IN TOWN: JEKYLL AND HYDE MEETS THE THREE FACES OF EVE This western is unique because the sheriff is also the villain, which means that shoot-out is between the sheriff and himself. Spectators are confused when they see only one person on main street as the sheriff is forced to draw against himself. LS. MAIN STREET OF DODGE. HIGH NOON. GUNSLINGER (TO THE SHERIFF ): This town ain’t big enough for the two of you, Jekyll and… JEKYLL: Hyde. GUNSLINGER: I ain’t going to hide from the likes of you… two… JEKYLL: Here comes Eve White. EVE ENTERS: EVE: High Handsome. Seen Hyde’s hide? JEKYLL: No, Eve… EVE: Eve black. GUNSLINGER SHOOTS. JEKYLL BITES THE DUST. AS HE DIES HE CHANGES INTO HYDE. EVE BLACK, DISTURBED BY WHAT SHE SEES, REVERTS TO EVE WHITE. THE GUNSLINGER REMOVES HER SKIN TO REVEAL AN ALIEN FROM ANOTHER PLANET. FADE OUT.
On a more serious note, my good friend Zoran Amar is raising money on kickstarter for his documentary feature — Invincible Mind. The trailer for the film can be seen below.
Any contribution to help with the completion of the film will be greatly appreciated.
PhillipsMiscellany 